Something's Changed

Over the past couple of weeks, something has changed with my thinking. I think it's a change for the better. It has to do with kids and what is the right approach to learning and developing talents. A conversation with one of my sisters about letting kids choose what school they want to go to (so many choices now days with all the charters, home schooling, privates around) and a conversation with a friend about how kids will learn and excel in what really interests them have led me to believe that kids need to be able to choose what they want and as a result, they will be happier and do better.

I used to think that all good mothers enlisted their children in music (i.e. piano, guitar, violin, etc) and then insisted that they practice every day. I always told my kids that it's good for their brain development (which I still think it is, much like learning a language.) I also think it's good for developing discipline. But, as of recently, I've been getting flack from my two oldest about wanting to go to guitar lessons any more. It has been kind of a battle and I'm tired of the contention. So, with my recent change of heart, I announced to the family, at dinner one night, that we would be finishing the things we were currently enrolled in and then once they're done, every one can choose for themselves what they'd like to participate in this next year. The only stipulation is that they must finish what they start.

I was a little surprised by everyone's response. I thought I would hear a shout for joy or some kind of celebration. When I asked why they weren't more excited about it, I sensed some hesitation in my oldest son's response. He admitted that he wanted to be done with guitar lessons, but wasn't sure he's entirely done with playing the guitar. I was pleased to see his hesitation and hope that by being able to choose for himself he will still enjoy playing the guitar for years to come. If not, then at least he'll know that it was his choice.

One of my daughters, that takes piano, has been complaing a bit and not wanting to go into her lessons. When she was given the choice to quit she suddenly wasn't sure. At first she said, "I'll quit in a couple of months." And then she said, "I'll give it till the end of the school year." I think she likes it, but doesn't like feeling forced to do it. I think there is a lot to be said for free agency.

A few days after announcing this to my kids, I was talking with a friend. She said, "don't all mothers force their kids to play and practice the piano?" She told me that her father or grandfather (I can't remember which) was a piano professor and so it would be embarrassing if his children and grandchildren didn't play. She remembers being forced to play and even spanked if she didn't. She said it was a scarry experience.

Hearing my friends' experience only reinforced for me more that children deserve the opportunity to choose. Their is a sense of liberty when you get to decide for yourself what you want to do.

I have kids that would do everything under the sun and some that wouldn't do quite as much. But, whatever they choose to do, they must stick with to the end (end of a season). We will support them, but not nag them.

Another interesting thing happened last night, while we were sitting around talking with Troy's family. We were talking about people playing the guitar and some said something to my oldest about him being good at it. Again, he said he'd like to still play, he just doesn't want to take lessons. I don't know how far he'll get with out lessons, but he'll figure that out for himself now.

I'm excited to see how the next year plays out. I'm looking forward to not nagging and just supporting. I still will try to introduce my kids to new things and will encourage them to do their best, but hopefully their sense of freedom will allow them to excel in the things they want to and not in the things I want them to.